"I've just realised you've had a haircut. You're likely to already know this, but I'd like you to know that I now know it too."
"Thanks. I wasn't going to mention it, but then if you didn't mention it I was going to mention that I hadn't mentioned it. Your above-eyebrow area looks much the same as it always has to me, unless you've recently changed it and I haven't noticed, in which case it looks tremendous and very you."
"Thanks. What're you doing with the weekend?"
"I am going to reject mediocrity."
"How long'll that take?"
"My entire life and a bit of yours."
"You're going to live longer by not putting any effort in but when I die you'll decide to wear a heavy helmet of guilt which will deflect the suggestions of other people trying to persuade you to stop doing things like producing a magazine that reviews all the other magazines and is called Not Quite Good Enough."