It Was Nice To See You Even Though I Couldn't See

Glenn wants an employee. The pay will be very little. The hours will be any or all. The position will be Junior Copywriter. The advert was on Gumtree. He doesn't want a CV or references or experience. He wants some words that will make him want to buy a suit, plus two samples.

Hello Glenn. Here's the r you missed out of the advert you posted on Gumtree:
You're welcome. And now you want me to sell you a suit. Well, I only have one, Glenn, and it's completely different to the one the average Londoner wears. Even the one the above-average Londoner wears. And as for what the below-average wear: I don't know any below-average people. Do you? I can't recall ever having known any. Not back in the day or here in the other day. Everyone I know is consantly on the verge of breaking through into exactly what they want to do, while in the meantime doing something that's nothing like the thing they want to do but preferable to doing something worse, or a little bit like the thing they want to do and the financial reward compensates for the lack of spiritual reward. Some people would call that Accepting The Lowest Bid For Your Soul, but I'm not so sure. I know one future rock musician who sweeps the gutters with his face every weekend, completely voluntarily. You know how chunky those gutters can get, Glenn. There's nothing I admire more than selflessness. That's why I'm doing you the gargantuan favour of letting you know about this suit.
When you wear it, it inspires people to do more with their lives. They are not aware that the suit is affecting them. They are only aware that something is compelling them to take that first step, the first step they always picture as a leap when in fact it's only a hop or a turn. It becomes unignorable the very moment you walk past, wearing this suit, and they spend the rest of their lives wondering who to thank. It's you, Glenn. You or whoever buys it. You will be the walking opposite of a catastrophe. And the best part is: No one will ever acknowledge you. At all! You will get absolutely no thanks whatsoever. Not even by accident.
I am offering it today because I am soon going to be living in a place where there are no people. We can't have it lying in an unused smudge on my floor, can we?
And why aren't I giving it away?
Well, galactic travel is very expensive, Glenn. But I only need another ninety nine pounds to secure my ticket. If you're not going to be the next owner of this suit, I know a man called Branson who's very keen on giving it a trial run.
Let me know anytime.